Exercise Four
Source: Writing Forward. Write one sentence that is at least 100 words long. Then, rewrite that sentence in 10 words or less.
Part One:
A truth: getting shot and living is akin to being born and John knows that because he’s living through it all over again from the moment of the bullet’s impact into the chest plate of his body armor to the completion of his crumpling into a pile on the street, he is only aware of a searing light, new sensations — his tongue is sharp and copper-plated, his extremities seem to bulge with the shockwave, and there is a crackling in his ears as broken bones grind — and worst of all is the godawful shame, the indignity of the whole clusterfuck.
Rewrite:
John’s rebirth is all pain and indignity, bullet-induced labor.
Nice job! Thanks for trying out this exercise. This is one that you can do again and again. Pretty fun, huh?
@Melissa Donovan
I didn’t pick it for the “fun” factor — I picked it for the challenge. That said, I don’t know if I’ll do it again. My sentence rhythm is such that I typically run 25-30 words per, only shortening for describing actions, or if I really need to drive a point home.