Other Things I Am Thankful For

  • I have survived to the age where having regular bowel movements is something to be happy about.
  • I’m still capable of having regular bowel movements. When I don’t overdo it on the cheese consumption.
  • That we have not been hit by a ginormous asteroid.
  • I was not stabbed by anyone in 2008. (Also on my resolutions list for 2009: “Do not get stabbed.”)
  • That I broke up that messy conspiracy among the housecats to stage a coup, assassinate me, and install a communist regime. (Hint: someone talked.)
  • I am thankful for weird shit.
  • I am thankful for the “Chinese Democracy” album coming out — even if it does suck serious ass — because it forces a half-dozen writers for Rolling Stone to find something new to do with their time, which will probably amuse me.
  • I am thankful to Facebook for showing me that some douchebag who made my life a living hell in grade school is now a fucking “energy healer” or somesuch hippie foo-foo shit.
  • I am grateful to Karma for letting me know that I won’t be held accountable for my negative feelings toward this guy.
  • I am grateful for Battlefield: Bad Company, which is clearly written using that programming language called Awesome++, and lets me stick blocks of C4 to vehicles that are laden with people.
  • Ooh. Before I forget; I am thankful that no one I know was permanently blinded by the Lasik process.
  • Hooray for there being no more major disappointments disguised as Star Wars movies anywhere on the foreseeable horizon.
  • Thankful for having a blog where I can spew self-indulgent crap to the whole Internet.

2 thoughts on “Other Things I Am Thankful For

  1. The foo-foo hippie guy thing makes me laugh really hard! I always wondered what happened to the girls who were mean to me in 6th grade. I’m pretty sure they aren’t as awesome as I am now. Ha!

  2. Yeah, there’s something insanely satisfying about a douchebag who though he was King Shit being reduced to the status of Snake Oil Salesman.

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