Red Bull Dreams

Caffeine has very little effect on me — that’s largely because I’m addicted to it (but currently trying to quit). Last night, I wasn’t feeling very good and I wanted to muscle through and get some coding done on a big project I’ve been working at, so I downed a 16-ounce Red Bull, even though the effects would be minimal. Within about 45 minutes, I was feeling so awful that I opted for bed. That’s when things got interesting.

What I discovered is that when I consume Red Bull before bed, I have some seriously fucked up dreams as a result. More specifically, I have one very long, convoluted, fucked up dream.

Bullet points:

  • I played on special teams for the Minnesota Vikings and hurt my back and had to go home at halftime.
  • At halftime, I ran into Holly who had been bitten by a werewolf that she had been dating (and didn’t know he was a werewolf) and she asked for my help, which I did against my better judgement.
  • And then I had to go to the rehab facility, where BB-8 got stuck in the bottom of an elevator shaft, but I didn’t want to help him, because I am an “unhelpful person” (his words).
  • And I went upstairs to the rehab center where I had to swim in some sort of lazy-river style lap pool that had a part that ran uphill. And it was in a hallway that had horrible 70’s wood paneling.
  • And then I was supposed to go back to the game, but it was snowing outside (in early September) and that was putting a damper on the whole “driving” thing.
  • So instead I went and played Lego with Eddy.
  • And then decided to go back to the game so I could play in the second half.
  • Only they decided to cancel our season after that game.
  • So I cleaned out my locker, said goodbye the the janitorial robot, and went to the library to celebrate my successful NFL career.
  • Woke up very puzzled.

The end.

Lesson learned: no more Red Bull before bedtime. Damn.

Image Credits: Harry Lustig/.

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