So I’ve been pretty heads-down and quiet lately on the social media — mostly just retweeting and sharing stuff on Facebook. There’s a reason for that, and I’m finally at a point where I can talk about it at-length and in detail. The reason I am doing this now is that Kate feels comfortable with me discussing it online and I feel that I’ve wrapped my head enough where I can have something meaningful to say about it.
For three weeks in late September and early October, Kate was part of an intense partial-hospitalization for treatment of pretty severe post-partum depression.
I Guess All the Signs Were There
For awhile — a long while — things hadn’t been going well. Kate was frequently furious about one thing or another, and was (in my perception) overreacting to minor slights. I began to withdraw because I couldn’t do anything right — why bother trying to do something nice if you were going to be nitpicked? Why try to talk about an action if it was going to be second-guessed to death? We were barely talking, our faces buried in screens, or watching TV in silence. Casual contact? Basically non-existent. Her temper seemed super-short, mine wasn’t much better because my nerves were fried, and all in all, I felt like we were on-track to make a giant crater in the middle of our lives.
Kate confronted me about the issues she’d been having — including thoughts of self-harm, of hitting the kids, and how things were falling apart for her. She had made some phone calls, she found help. We talked about it, and I offered her my full support. There was a visit to a psychiatrist, a sign-up for a three-week partial-hospitalization program, new mood-stabilizing meds, and a mountain of therapy to be tackled. I, of course, offered my full support. There was no other choice.
We talked about it at marriage counseling, just before she started the three-week process. At some point during that session, something broke through. I walked out of there feeling better about “us” than I had in a long time. Something about how we were communicating had started to shift, and that was amazing.
During the three weeks, she learned a lot, came to some realizations, and did the hard work it takes to start changing things. I’ve never been more proud. We talked at night — it was tough, because I sort of had to feel my way around cautiously, unsure as to how to approach the conversations — and it was amazing. She was amazing.
Weekend Conversation (Somewhat Paraphrased)
“I need to talk to the psychiatrist about these drugs. I don’t think they’re working.”
“Oh? What’s going on?”
“I–nevermind. Forget it. The drugs are fine.”
“Wait. What are you feeling?”
*we both die laughing*
The Future Path
Kate still has some work to do, and so do I. I’ve been coming to terms with some of the shit that I haven’t been dealing with as effectively as I could. Today, I called a therapist and made an appointment to start talking through this. Kate’s next appointment is on the 23rd. We’re bumping our marriage counseling to twice a month from once a month. While we’re not 100%, things are looking a lot better.
The future is looking pretty bright.